Kevin Patterson

Neptune and Jupiter

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:31:20 GMT

Neptune and Jupiter were annoyed. It wasn’t that the humans no longer believed in them, they had long ago accepted how they had been delegated to mythology. Gods enjoy the moments when people pray to them but they don’t mind the off seasons either.
Even if the humans don’t praise them and ask for their protection the gods go on about their assigned duties, because if you don’t keep yourself busy then eternity can seem like it lasts forever.
Recently Neptune and Jupiter had been working together to create some truly fantastic hurricanes. Winds of water and destruction they were deeply proud of fathering. They did not mind that the humans didn’t pray to stop the whirlwinds. They didn’t mind that the humans thought their addiction to gasoline was to blame. In fact, Neptune and Jupiter got a kick out of all the misplaced talking heads and regulations.
What annoyed the two unlikely partners (gods can rarely work together) was all the frivolous names the humans gave their creations. “Hurricane Hugo” was the one that Neptune couldn’t get over, “Hugo, HUGO!?! It sounds like one of Hercules stupid comedic sidekicks,” he would howl.
So they started planning their storms based on the next letter, trying to avoid the letters that would probably lend itself to a frivolous name. At E they started planning for a hell of a storm. Forgetting that humans are superstitious and never would have named destruction after creation, they were hoping for the name of Eve. So they lost all interest when Emily was the name given and that storm lost all of the wind out of its sails.
When K came around “Kadmiel” was the first thing that popped into their heads, and they decided to give this one everything they had. Jupiter even called in a few favors from Mars. The three of them cooked up something good. When the humans called their creation “Katrina” they were surprised but pleased. Katrina had a nice ring to it. Usually they just set the chain in motion and watched the winds play out. They liked sitting back and watching the weather channel and CNN to see the humans freaking out. They were particular fans of the weathermen trying to speak coherently among their creations. But when Katrina got assigned they giggled with joy. Neptune remembered a particularly beautiful woman he once knew in Atlantis. Jupiter remembered an old storm god he knew from Africa but had not seen in centuries. So they decided to give Katrina a couple extra puffs. The pointed it straight at New Orleans because that was a place that sometimes remembered old gods and if they were going to go all out why not hit somewhere special. Visions of Atlantis played in their heads.
But even New Orleans that great foothold into mythology didn’t blame the ocean or wind on the destruction but instead blamed global warning. If there was one thing the two gods could agree on was that Apollo was an egotistical asshole, and it drove them bonkers that he got all the credit.

Volunteer Legal Assistance for Artists (VLAA).

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:23:45 GMT

Behind the email is an I got from Volunteer Legal Assistance for Artists (VLAA). VLAA is a pro bono organization comprised of law students and local attorneys, partnered in a joint effort to provide free legal guidance to local artists in all genres

Theare having some sort of Art Auction fund raiser on Thursday. I might go check it out.

Hello,
I am a 2nd year law student at Sandra Day O'Connor College of Law at ASU, and the Vice President of Fine Art for the Volunteer Legal Assistance for Artists (VLAA). VLAA is a pro bono organization comprised of law students and local attorneys, partnered in a joint effort to provide free legal guidance to local artists in all genres. Services we offer include:
Monthly Legal Clinics: Personal meetings with volunteer attorneys and law students to tackle complex legal issues
Know Your Rights Campaigns: Informational sessions to address pertinent legal fields of interest (e.g., copyright)
To sign up for clinics, or to submit any legal questions please feel free to email us at arts@asu.edu. General information can also be found at our website: www.artsadvocacy.com.

On Thursday, November 12, 2009 VLAA will be hosting a Social-Networking and Art Auction at FEZ in downtown Phoenix. The event will take place from 5:30 PM to 7:30 PM where buffet style appetizers will be provided (drinks are at the expense of the attendees). The event will bring together attorneys, law students, local artists, and community organizations (such as the AZ Commission for the Arts, AZ Film Commission, etc.) for a meet and greet/networking opportunity while exposing local artist’s work. The work on display will be auctioned, and all proceeds will go to the upcoming VLAA Know Your Rights Campaigns and Clinics throughout the 2009-2010 Academic Year. To RSVP to this event, or to make any last minute art donations, please email arts@asu.edu.

We are really excited to be able to provide such a resource to the local arts community. If you have any questions, or any suggestions, do not hesitate to contact us!

Anya Piotrowski

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:58:45 GMT

I am thinking about staying in tonight and watching a movie. What do you think I should rent?

Maybe MadMen season 2?

Halloween ideas

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 17:11:41 GMT

Zombie Nixon
Ozombie bid Laden
Zob Marley
Jackie O zombie
Zombie Luther King Jr.
Malcolm Z
Zombie Allen Poe
Ernest Zombingway
Francisco Zombie Coppola
Obie One Zombie
Darth Zader
Marylyn Zomroe
Zob Zylan
Zombie Theresa
Janis Zomplin
Ronald McZonald
Barrack Ozomie
Zhe
Zombie Caeser

Mi piace come balli.

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:07:55 GMT

Just got back from two weeks in Italy. I went for my brother's wedding. His wife is Italian, but they both currently live in New York City.

You are supposed to carry your receipt with you after any restaurant meal in case the tax police demand to see it. This is apparently the method to make sure restaurants are acting properly. This rule stressed my mom completely out so we finished every delightful meal with her triple-checking we had the last receipt. It is my suspicion the guide book writers made this fact up for shits and giggles.

Even though Wikipedia can not confirm my suspicions, my guess is that James Dean spent some time it Italy before coming famous. My two pieces are evidence are (1) he had a good sense of fashion (2) he perfected that hunched our elbow look that all Italian men walk around doing and they look really cool. Like James Dean cool.

Italian soldiers and policemen stand facing inwards gossiping and smoking in groups of three or more. They seem to be the only Italian males who don’t notice the incredible amount of pretty ladies walking by in thigh high boots. In fact, the don’t seem to notice anything. They seem to only look around when they are bored of their conversation. When the authorities decide they really need to have a place watched, like in front of the main train station, they add more soldiers, but this just seems to compound the problem of them distracting each other even more. So the more Italian police you add the less is actually observed.

I think the thing I like most about Milan is the smorgasbord of different kinds of thigh high boots the women wear. There is something about a woman wearing boots that makes a man smile. The uniform for the Milan woman seems to be thigh high boot, some sort of tight pants, with a scarf like sweater thing attempting to cover their fannie, topped off with a tight leather jacket. And lots of sunglasses, I would be willing to bet Italians wear more sunglasses per capta than any other European city.
The men wear either a nice suit or jeans, no one seems to wear slacks. Both the men and women wear a lot jeans in Italy, which we should Americans should be proud off for inventing denim, of course like Jazz to African rhythms, the Italians have taken our basic idea and expanded it greatly. Lots of different styles of jeans, some with low pockets, some with some sort of elastic added to the fabric, a thousand different types of seams and cuts.

If you ask for gum without any mentioning any particular flavor or brand you get a kind that tastes like black licorice.

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:15:00 GMT

I for one, think it is entirely appropriate that Obama won the National Hockey League's MVP of the year.

shooting in New York basement gallery

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 17:02:09 GMT

My brother

for bob

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 18:55:47 GMT

http://public.fotki.com/mrKevinP/kevin_photo/pictures_from_my_travels/south_america-1/colombia/colombiadisk1310.html

I don't have any shots online of ruins in Mexico but some Colombia and Bolivia shots might work....

Other colombia shots at......
http://public.fotki.com/mrKevinP/kevin_photo/pictures_from_my_travels/south_america-1/colombia/page4.html

The ruins are from Ciudad Perdida
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ciudad_Perdida

Shots of destroyed churchs in Antiquia, Guatemela
http://public.fotki.com/mrKevinP/kevin_photo/pictures_from_my_travels/guatamela/guat-edit-1-antiquia/page2.html

Northern Guatemela

La Paz, capital of bolivia empty because of census

http://public.fotki.com/mrKevinP/kevin_photo/pictures_from_my_travels/south_america-1/south_america/census13.html

upcoming weekend

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 17:14:59 GMT

This weekend is shaking out to be a busy one. Sorry Bill, but Friday night I am going to see the10 minute plays at Space 55 http://www.space55.org/ They have gotten good reviews and this is the last weekend to check them out. I tried to see them last Friday but was too late and they were sold out.

Saturday is Empty Frames Experiment practice at my house. Empty Frames Experiment is the improve troupe I am in. www.facebook.com/...Empty-Frames-Experiment

Saturday Night is the Grand Ave Festival http://grandavenuefestivalaz.com/

Sunday is Level IV improve class. I am taking it over for the second time to hone my skills. Because, skills I got them.

Zombie Shoot day three

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 16:34:57 GMT

Last Christmas my brother and I were going for a hike in the Mountains of Appalachian. During the hike we decided to make a zombie movie. I thought I had lost the videos but found them this weekend, so I edited and uploaded the video.

The final Frontier

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:15:13 GMT

In my backyard, I have been building a spaceship from scrap wood. I realize most spaceships are made from metal and not scrap wood. But I figure it probably won’t work anyway and if I make it from wood then I can use it as a boat.

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 22:08:03 GMT

weekend update

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 19:52:21 GMT

So this weekend was pretty fun, Firday night was the fashi----THIS IS KAYNE WEST. BEYONCE’s WEEKEND WAS AWESOME.-----

this morning

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 15:23:52 GMT

The ghost of Ernest Hemingway appeared in my bedroom in the wee hours this morning. He did not wake me up. I was already awake because of the rooster next door.

My neighbors recently took some chickens and a rooster off the hands of an uncle who had gotten into trouble with the city. The rooster crows every morning from 5 to 5:45. The sound gets caught under the roof off my back porch and ricochets through my bedroom window.

Hemingway told me to “sack up” and kill the rooster.

Friday night

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 14:24:54 GMT

This Friday night is the Grand Opening of the Firehouse Retail Space. Leslie Barton and myself will be MCing a fashion show, the Complainacs will be playing on the roof and all other sort of shenanigans will be at play. Read the New Times article about it!

Join us near the corner of First Street and Roosevelt in beautiful downtown phoenix.

New York with David and Alessandra

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 15:51:12 GMT

I haven't made many videos in a while. But I made this one from my trip to New York to meet my brother's fiancée. She is Italian.

The shots from the museum was a really interesting exhibit about tradition and modern commercialism. The artist’s mother had grown up in China. During the majority of her life good conduct meant saving and reusing everything, and then BOOM, mass commercialization, so she saved old toothpaste containers, newspapers everything. The artist laid out everything she saved along with the house she kept it in. It was an interesting comment about how ethics change with the times.

More about the show at http://www.moma.org/visit/calendar/exhibitions/961

a fable

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 16:11:21 GMT

In the peace that followed the war between Steamboat Willie and the Sub Mariner all the forest animals and mutants met to dance to celebrate the new peace. The Punisher laid down with Bambi, while the X-dwarves sang a song around Phoenix. Bucky held hands with Beauty and all was right in this parallel universe.

Until the Ghost Rider and Goofy decided to spike the punch. The Hulk had already been sulking all night, slightly annoyed by the high squeal of his “new friends.” Donald Duck hit the punch pretty hard and started jabbing his feathers into Captain America’s thighs. Wolverine started to edge him on but left to disperse another round of punch to the princesses.

Imagine it now

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:22:23 GMT

Huey, Dewey and Louie versus Galactus!

competition

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 01:01:39 GMT

At the anarchists olympics they compete to see who can't get anything done the fastest.

Improv workshop

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:42:22 GMT

The Torch Theate is having a quick "Intro to Improv" workshop this Saturday.

Drop-In Workshop: Saturday, August 22, 2009
Time: 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM
Instructor: Sam Halidman
Price: $10
Prerequisites: None
Age Requirements: 18 and up*
Location: Burton Barr Central Library - www.phoenixpubliclibrary.org

Visiting my brother in New York...

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 18:58:02 GMT

One should remember to not listen to toe tapping bluegrass music on your ipod when traveling through airport bathrooms.

Tonight at the Firehouse

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 15:18:39 GMT

Pete Petrisko's new music project is playing at the Firehouse. He is releasing a CD on JRC's label. It should be interesting. Here is a write up in the New Times.

http://www.phoenixnewtimes.com/events/rpm-orchestra-hi-my-name-is-ryan-pillowfort-brodie-hubbard-and-wingnut-1370394/

Akua

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 23:56:49 GMT

I am going to New York in August to see my brother and for a Improv festival. I am thinking about going to the Nuyorican to check it out so went to their website and whose photo is on the first page but Akua!

http://www.nuyorican.org/

my feet itch

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:38:57 GMT

Friday night I was working in my yard in the cool of the night, unfortunately working at night means I did not see I was being attacked by tiny fire ants. When I finally noticed my feet were covered with about 40 ants. Now my feet itch. One should not work at night in thier yard with flipflops on.

Summer

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 03:02:57 GMT

This summer has not been bad. I been here for eight summers. At about the third or fourth one in most know whether or not they can take it for a lifetime. For some it takes longer.

My first summer here I did not have air, which I think counts for two summers. Anybody who has been here for a while usually agrees.

I spent that summer in a Honda accord. When I drove down the mountain from Flagstaff for the first time and turned the air on and it died I knew it was going to a tough one.

That summer I discovered a litmus test of the different parts of the valley. I would count for curiosity how many other cars like me had their windows down. Then I would try to guess which ones had the windows down because they preferred it that way. In south Phoenix it is about 3 to 4 out of 10 cars with the windows down. Maybe one out of town by choice. In Scottsdale, sometimes it is 1 out 10 with the windows down, sometimes 1 out of 20. Few had them down by choice.

I am not sure what this teaches us, besides the obvious lessons.