Kevin Patterson (pattersonphoto) wrote,
Kevin Patterson
pattersonphoto

Lost Canyon Wash OPen Mic Comedy Skit

Lost Canyon Wash OPen Mic Comedy Skit

Narrator: Imagine a small one room cabin deep in the woods of Colorado. Remember Ruby Ridge Poster in front of the toiler, An Old Computer from 1990something sits to the side, the typewriter beside it looks like it have been used more recently. Piles of newspapers and print outs and maps are stacked in not sligtly well organized piles, a map of the United States Electrical grid is on the wall, it has some wierldy organized system of pins and newspaper clippings posted. Chairs are put out in rows, they are all empty. A lone Mic is plugged into a small speaker, a hairy moutain man is standing at the mic addressing the lonely room.

Welcome to the Lost Canyon Wash Open MIc. We are so glad you could make it through the snow and deep woods to be here. Tonight We have some great comics in the room, so without further ado let me invite our first comic, Henry Barnes!

(Mountain Man MM runs from mic to side of room and smiles to the audience, he runs to the stage.)

Thanks.

So beans huh? Who here is sick of canned beans? I still have beans from Y2K. Huh, WHo is with me?

Wow, tough crowd that last joke bombed like the post office. (MM runs into audience and laughs deeply for a while, he runs back to stage and picks up again.)

Forgive me if I check my cheat sheet, I wrote these on the way here. And boy are my snow boots tired! So how many members of the illumantie does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, the pentagon does it for them. Zing!

How many FBI agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No one knows because they keep shooting first and asking questions later. BaBling!

How many aliens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one but it takes three to probe an asshole. Hello!

(MM runs into audience in different chair from before, makes long groaning sound, runs back to stage.)


So the Census, huh? The other day a census worker made it through my bear traps and knocked on my door. They said I want to be counted.

(MM runs into audicence and Yells, "They can count this!". MM runs back to stage.)

Thats what I am saying. I told him I had already mailed in my form during my monthly antrax mailing. Huuuuhahhhh! (Marine yell)

But serioulsly we got any green berets tonight? Hello, is this thing on? are we already out of solar power?

Anybody here accidently killed their dog during target practice. Man have I lost a bunch of good dogs.

(MM runs into audience and just stares ahead angrily. Narrator says, "The sound of coyotes deep in the distance haunt the room." MM runs back to stage)


Al right, well thanks you people have been great. If you see any ATF agents tell them Henry Barnes sent you!

(MM runs into audicence, runs back on stage as host)

Allright! Henry Barnes, lets thank him coming out, all right, who else is next, anyone? anyone? anyone?

Narrator, (THe mountain man just stares out and things to himself "Man I need to put flyers on more No Trespassing signs."
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