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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kevin Patterson's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, October 6th, 2013
5:19 pm
most recent project.
The most recent project. Spent about 2 months on this one. Ladies, Gentlemen and all shrimp, May I present Episode 4 of the Arthouse Series.

http://youtu.be/G0_g88ADPFA
Friday, August 19th, 2011
8:13 pm
No hulu for me-Problem with Cox?
For the last two days I been getting a message from Hulu that says basically "My IP address is for an annoymous proxy so I can't access Hulu." I have an apple computer, according to internet forum research the problem is with my internet provider and not my computer. Is anyone else having the same problem who use Cox as their provider. I tried to call Cox but had to wait forever to get to Tech person and my phone keeps shutting off before they answer. Which is really really annoying.

I miss my 30 rock!
Tuesday, March 1st, 2011
11:52 am
Scurvy and Salted Oranges

My preparations for how to get ready for the apocalypse continue with figuring out how to deal with scurvy.  I attempted to preserve the oranges from the back tree with salt and jam.  We shall see how it turns out.

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011
2:30 pm
Tuesday, February 1st, 2011
1:58 pm
Update of project and eating cactus
My experiment of seeing how ready I can get for the Apocalypse in one year is humming right along. This weekend I tried to build a solar oven and also ate my first cactus (a Hedgehog) in the wild.
Thursday, January 13th, 2011
2:03 pm
Desert Botanical Garden
garden with dave Jan 2011 005

This photo and the rest in the album are part of my ongoing experiment to see how ready I can get for the apocalypse in only 1 year.
Thursday, January 6th, 2011
3:27 pm
New Year's resolution
I am going to see how ready I can get for the apocalypse in only 1 year. Here is where I will mark my progress.
Thursday, October 21st, 2010
12:27 pm
most recent project
Ohh, poor lj, it has been left by so many.

I hae not been on here lately because all energy has been going into stationaryhobo.com. I am hoping to make a regular travel podcast. I have been learning how record sound, edit recordings, pload to online storage space. Hours and hours spent at a computer.
Sunday, August 15th, 2010
10:38 am
Lost Canyon Wash Skit submission for FFNL
Lost Canyon Wash Open Mic Comedy Skit

(Submission for Mike Little show. I am thinking Shawn Robinson as Mountain Man, and Mike Little as Narrator. )

Scene: A Long Mountain Man is on the side of the stage, using a mic to address an empty room. The scene starts with him talking and laughing, but silently so audience can hear the Narrator. Narrator is in formal wear, think intro of Twilight Zone style.

Narrator:
“In a small single -room cabin deep within the woods of Colorado a Remember Ruby Ridge” poster hangs over the toilet, a typewriter sits at a cluttered desk, a giant map of the US electrical grid covers one whole wall, a microphone plugs into a small amplier. And a lone man addesses the room.

Henry Barnes:
“Welcome to the Lost Canyon Wash Open Mic. We are so glad you could make it through the snow, deep woods and bear traps to be here tonight. We have some great comics in the room, so without further ado let me invite our first comic, Henry Barnes!”
(Henry runs from mic to side of room and smiles to the audience, he runs to back to the stage.)

Henry Barnes:
“Thanks. So beans huh? Who here is sick of canned beans? I still have beans from Y2K. Huh, Who is with me? Wow, tough crowd that last joke bombed like the post office.”
(Henry runs into audience and laughs deeply for a while, he runs back to stage and picks up again.)

“So how many members of the Illuminati does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, the pentagon does it for them. Zing!”


Narrator:
A man pinned to the fringes of society, Henry Barnes yearns for love and company. They say laughter is the best medicine, so Henry turns to comedy to ease the suffering, as well as to give voices to the voices in his head.”

Henry Barnes:
How many FBI agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No one knows because they keep shooting first and asking questions later. BaBling!

How many aliens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one but it takes three to probe an asshole. Hello!

So the Census, huh? The other day a census worker made it through my bear traps and knocked on my door. They said I want to be counted.

(Henry runs into audience and Yells, "They can count this!". Henry runs back to stage.)

Thats what I am saying. I told him I had already mailed in my form during my monthly anthrax mailing. Huuuuhahhhh! (Marine yell)

Narrator:
Driven to utter madness and isolation, the kind of loneliness that would break the spirits among the strongest amongst us, Henry Barnes whittles away the nights in his lone Colorado cabin, the citizens of the valley below say on quiet nights you can still hear the deranged laughter of the uni-comic.

Henry Barnes:
Al right, well thanks you people have been great. If you see any ATF agents tell them Henry Barnes sent you!

(Lights out)
Wednesday, August 4th, 2010
8:29 pm
idea for Friday night live skit-rough draft
Dolphins and Whales
Scene takes place in the ocean. Two Dolphins are watching a group of whales swimming by. Skit will most likely have to be done with puppets, or maybe video montage? Background: Every year the Grey whale migrates 5,000 miles from Alaska to Baja California to have babies. The challenge is to build this idea into skit, otherwise skit is too esoteric. Perhaps Dolphin 1 could be like some famous commentator?

DOLPHIN 1
Just look at them, every year they come down here to pump out babies, and eat all our good plankton. This is our ocean, we spend our whole lifetimes here and they think they can just swim down here and it doesn't matter.

DOLPHIN 2
They are breaking the law of mother nature!

DOLPHIN 1
They just come down here to have their babies in OUR warm water! OUR warm water, not theirs! And their babies each all the good plakton! Our platon, not thiers!

DOLPHIN 2
They should just go back to Alaska where they are from!

DOLPHIN 1
And those wussy liberal humans! Oh don't even get me started. (Next said in falsetto human voice) Oh lets go look at the whales, let's cruise around on our big boats to go look at the whales, should we go look at the dolphins? (drop falsetto human voice) Ohhhhhh no, dolphins aren't good enough for the humans, all they care about are the whales, WHO AREN”T EVEN FROM HERE!
DOLPHIN 2
Frostbacks!
DOLPHIN 1
Frostbacks?
DOLPHIN 2
Yeah, frostbacks, because you know grey whales are from , you know, Alaska.

DOLPHIN 1
Those frostback whales think they can just come down here and swim around wherever they want to. They just get drunk under the warm water and swim around with their huge bodies, breaching wherever they want to! Without any consideration for anybody else!
DOLPHIN 2
Glacier Swimmers!
DOLPHIN 1
Do we go migrating to alaska! No! We should build a giant reef across the ocean to keep them out!

DOLPHIN 2
Eschrichtius robustus!
DOLPHIN 1
And just listen to them! They don't even speak Dolphin, what is that eerie moaning they do? They sound like a ghost with amplification!

DOLPHIN 2
Northern Light Lovers!
Thursday, July 15th, 2010
9:49 am
reading this at Firehouse Friday with Julian Forrest playing guitar background
Of the 10 lost tribes of Israel, the Tribe of Issachar never felt lost. This is not surprising if one considers their history before the Assyrians exiled the 10 the tribes. Before the Tribe of Issachar had settled down and become the scholars of Israel, they had been a part of the Sea Peoples.

(SPACE MUSIC INTERLUDE)

The Sea peoples were the remnants of many of the Mediterranean’s forgotten peoples. These survivors had joined together mostly out of desperation, and like other confederacies of history their desperation led to war. History remembers the Sea peoples primarily for all the trouble they gave Ramsee III and the Egyptians.

Among the Sea Peoples there were individuals who joined to escape the intellectual deficiency that falls upon dead civilizations. These thinkers liked the idea of joining wanderers from other lost centers of knowledge.

Sharing a common morality, these thinkers stayed together and eventually settled down and become the Tribe of Issachar. Collectively they remembered their first insights had come from travel. They knew in their bones that different cultures discover different understandings. By the time the ambitious Assyrians drove the 10 tribes from their lands, the Tribe had already started becoming aware that their knowledge had once again stalled. So they did not mine leaving their home.

(JOURNEY MAN MUSIC)

As time went on they grew quicker and quicker at blending in and absorbing the knowledge of other cultures. They had lived in the Americas, the islands of the pacific, and throughout Asia centuries before Marco Polo. This allowed them to accumulate great wealth, but they did not need it nor spend it because wealth just forces one to stop moving. So they had piles of gold stored in random bank accounts and volcano craters all around the planet.

Once the Tribe had explored all they could on their own earth, they began to look beyond. Some of the tribe explored through space, some explored through time, and some explored through possibilities. In their travels through time and space they found multiple versions of themselves. They took turns teaching each other what they had learned on their own versions of earth. After seeing every possibility of the universe they finally discovered the celestial watchers. The celestial watchers took the tribe in and told them “We know all of your bank account numbers, you sacred combination, and in which volcanoes you stashed your gold and now they are ours.”
Saturday, June 19th, 2010
2:18 pm
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010
7:13 pm
post to couchsurf
Whole lot of photos, got to edit them down maybe, plenty with flying tent surfers.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/47676939@N03/sets/72157624291961876/
Saturday, June 5th, 2010
12:33 pm
Lost Canyon Wash OPen Mic Comedy Skit
Lost Canyon Wash OPen Mic Comedy Skit

Narrator: Imagine a small one room cabin deep in the woods of Colorado. Remember Ruby Ridge Poster in front of the toiler, An Old Computer from 1990something sits to the side, the typewriter beside it looks like it have been used more recently. Piles of newspapers and print outs and maps are stacked in not sligtly well organized piles, a map of the United States Electrical grid is on the wall, it has some wierldy organized system of pins and newspaper clippings posted. Chairs are put out in rows, they are all empty. A lone Mic is plugged into a small speaker, a hairy moutain man is standing at the mic addressing the lonely room.

Welcome to the Lost Canyon Wash Open MIc. We are so glad you could make it through the snow and deep woods to be here. Tonight We have some great comics in the room, so without further ado let me invite our first comic, Henry Barnes!

(Mountain Man MM runs from mic to side of room and smiles to the audience, he runs to the stage.)

Thanks.

So beans huh? Who here is sick of canned beans? I still have beans from Y2K. Huh, WHo is with me?

Wow, tough crowd that last joke bombed like the post office. (MM runs into audience and laughs deeply for a while, he runs back to stage and picks up again.)

Forgive me if I check my cheat sheet, I wrote these on the way here. And boy are my snow boots tired! So how many members of the illumantie does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, the pentagon does it for them. Zing!

How many FBI agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No one knows because they keep shooting first and asking questions later. BaBling!

How many aliens does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one but it takes three to probe an asshole. Hello!

(MM runs into audience in different chair from before, makes long groaning sound, runs back to stage.)


So the Census, huh? The other day a census worker made it through my bear traps and knocked on my door. They said I want to be counted.

(MM runs into audicence and Yells, "They can count this!". MM runs back to stage.)

Thats what I am saying. I told him I had already mailed in my form during my monthly antrax mailing. Huuuuhahhhh! (Marine yell)

But serioulsly we got any green berets tonight? Hello, is this thing on? are we already out of solar power?

Anybody here accidently killed their dog during target practice. Man have I lost a bunch of good dogs.

(MM runs into audience and just stares ahead angrily. Narrator says, "The sound of coyotes deep in the distance haunt the room." MM runs back to stage)


Al right, well thanks you people have been great. If you see any ATF agents tell them Henry Barnes sent you!

(MM runs into audicence, runs back on stage as host)

Allright! Henry Barnes, lets thank him coming out, all right, who else is next, anyone? anyone? anyone?

Narrator, (THe mountain man just stares out and things to himself "Man I need to put flyers on more No Trespassing signs."
Monday, May 24th, 2010
3:50 pm
Skit comedy
Scene: A man in suit is standing beside a projector (think Al Gore presenting “An Inconvenient Truth” but a lot more monotone and drool) The audience is about three or so people sitting among many empty chairs. One audience member is listening to an ipod and bopping head to the music. The PowerPoint presentation says “An Inconvenient Luthor.”

Presenter: Good evening, welcome to my presentation about the immediate destruction of all we know. I have assembled this 40 slide presentation to illustrate Lex Luthors plans to blow us all up with nuclear weapons. I deplore you, this is of the most utmost importance.

(Presenter clicks button. Next slide is picture of Lex Luthor standing in front of a doomsday clock, date is shown on clock)

Presenter: As you plainly see, Mr. Luthor in his insanity and preoccupation with the Mayan calendar has decided to use his nuclear arsenal this very evening.

(Audience member farts)

Presenter: The blast of the nuclear explosion will destroy all major cities in the world.

(Presenter clicks button. Next Slide is a convoluted chart that seems to be showing some sort of representation of Lex Luthor’s stockpile of nuclear weapons along with list of major cities on earth)

Presenter: This chart represents Mr. Luthor’s incredible stockpile of nuclear weapons, along with the cities he has listed as to be destroyed on his weekly podcast “Last moments with Luthor”

(Two audience members start making out)

Presenter: I can understand your inclination to spend our last moments with a loved one, however, no is the time to take action. “What we take for granted might not be here for our children.”

(male audience member of making out couple, rolls eyes or some sort of simmalur gesture.)

Presenter: (without emotion) People, people, people, people, Future generations may well have occasion to ask themselves, "What were our parents thinking? Why didn't they wake up when they had a chance?" We have to hear that question from them, now.”

Narrator steps out, spotlight on Narrator: Alas, Al Gore’s warnings went unlistened to and unheeded. Lex Luthor did deploy his weapons and society as we know crumpbled and fell. “Cities became deserts, roads became battlefields, and the hope of mankind once again relied” on the quiet man.

(During narration, Al Gore and audience have quickly put on a Mad Max looking outfits. A New powerpoint with title “How to Rebuild society.”

Presenter: Thank your for attending my powerpoint presentation tonight on How to rebuild society. First we must build an agricultural base and new monetary system. As you can planly see…..

(END)
Saturday, May 22nd, 2010
3:20 pm
Arizona Heat IV: Return to the Burning Hate! Radio ad.
Arizona Heat IV: Return to the Burning Hate! Radio ad.

(Version of originally a Phil Murray idea)

Scene: Read as movie premier over the radio ad. All read by big voiced radio announcer.

“From the people who brought you 'Navajo Gotta Go', and 'Apache Out of the way!' and who could forget 'MLK No Way' comes the audience approved 'Arizona Heat IV: Return to the Burning Hate!'

Starring Gov. Jan Brewer as the warrior princess!
Representative Cavanugh as the the lone gunman with a posse. Versus a cast of thousands.

Back and more bigoted than ever! See it today!
3:01 pm
No More Ethnic Cleansing Comedy Skit. (suggestions welcome)
No More Ethnic Cleansing Comedy Skit. (suggestions welcome)Share
Today at 2:57pm | Edit Note | Delete
No More Ethnic Cleansing Comedy Skit.

Scene: Political Rally under big “No Mas Ethnic Cleaning” sign. Political speaker is speaking to group on microphone.

Political Speaker (PS): And we refuse to clean your kitchens, or bathrooms, or hallways, or yards until you clean the injustice of your laws!”

Protestors: “No mas ethnic cleaning! No Mas ethnic cleaning!”

PS: “We refuse to scrub your toilets, or mop up your stains until we too can stand clean and free!”

Protestors: “No mas ethnic cleaning!”

PS: We will clean NO MORE until you too scrub the dirt from your eyes!”

(Cut to, a journalist “reporting live at the scene.” Journalist is looking at camera, which is really the audience, journalist is holding ear waiting for cue.”, protestors still act as if chanting and protesting, PS still act as if speaking but do so quietly so journalist can be heard.)

Journalist (J) : “That's write Harold. We were told a group or angered sudanese or somalians where protesting for the end of ethnic cleansing, but as you can plainly see these are not somalians at all. It appears some sort of protest against either Arizonan legislation or clean bathrooms. We are not sure at this point.

PS: “you tell us we are good enough to make sure your vegetables have been washed, but refuse to wash your hands of our blood.”

Protestors: “No mas ethnic cleaning.”

J: “As you can see Harold, we are getting mixed messages here. We are not sure which injustice this particular crowd is protesting. We are not sure if they are for something or against something. However, we do the riot police are standing by so at the least we can hope for a good show. Back to you Harold!

End of skit.
Saturday, May 8th, 2010
1:18 pm
Wonderful skit comedy opportunity, writers needed
Michael 23 of Firehouse, Miami AZ, and Thought Crime fame is organizing a show. He is also graduating with either a Masters or Doctorate in organizational performance art, I forget which. His thesis is Friday Night Live! A show on first friday from Sept to March built around the lessons of the first season of SNL. First show is scheduled for Sept. Season will be six shows.

We are organizing the writers first and want to know who is interested. Second Friday In May (May 14) is the organizational meeting for folks who want to write for the show. Come and listen to Michael's theories and vision of the show and help us figure out how to do this.

Our hope is to have two weeks later (May 28) enough good content to make a quick chap book. This will be distributed for our performers to read and decide what they want to try out for. The meeting is at the Firehouse, in beautiful downtown Phoenix. Probably around 7ish.

The Firehouse is 1 halfblock north of 1st street and Roosevelt in, again, beautiful downtown Phoenix.
Friday, May 7th, 2010
12:17 pm
parallel universe movie quotes
Dawn Patrol, close your eyes, tap your heels together three times and think
I love the smell of a royale with cheese in the morning.
Frankly my dear, I can’t handle the truth.
I could have been the fairest one on the wall.
If you build it they will investigate.
I am not all the gin joints in Knasas.
You got to ask yourself, Do I feel ascetic? Well, do you punk?
This is another fine pod bay door you have gotten us into.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to launch goals.
Mr. DeMille, I am ready for the king of the world.
May the force mount you deep.
Friday, April 30th, 2010
8:46 am
Apply buys competiton in order to kill them
I am one of the lucky ones who is able to listen to music while I do my day job. I loved LaLa, it was an awesome service. Appartently Apple didn't. they bought the site in order to shut it down.

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2363269,00.asp
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